Another Glitch

I don't know what came into Monching yesterday. He was once again on one of his intuitive moods and he told me that he might not take the bar this September.

What!!!!????

I really can't understand this man?!!!

Alright, I understand his anxiety and everything but not taking the bar this year would result to many things being moved. Like... our wedding... which until now is not yet settled anyway.

So I told him, wait a minute? How about the pamamanhikan on October? And the wedding next year?

"Well, it has to wait." was his answer.

It thought we were over that issue already. How unfair it was for me to wait and wait without a specific time-frame, etc... etc.. etc...

My eyes started to feel watery again. Am I really this unmarriagable? Why is he not jumping the gun and marrying me for God's sake? Is it really his baseless fear of poverty if he won't pass the bar before he marries? or is it just me? I really don't understand!

I had to count to ten again just so I don't flare up. I had to keep my cool. I just told him what I tell myself. I would just go on everyday as if we never planned anything. It's crazy to dream and dream and plan and plan... together... mind you... only to be set aside come implementation time. It's a waste of one's money and time, not to mention emotions spent in dreaming... dreaming and more dreaming.

Then, last night, while smoking our after-dinner cigarettes, and I hummed the song "if somebody loves you... its no good unless he loves you... all the way...." he said "I like that song. It sometimes makes me cry." Hmmm...

This morning I told him I was going to Tagaytay. "What are you going to do there?" I told him I was going to finally book the earliest wedding date we could get for next year. "Are you going to Tagaytay alone?" yeah, I answered. "Let's just go later at 4.30pm so I can go with you." that's too late, I answered. I will go alone. "Just call them, didn't the girl at Caleruega said that they can accept bank transfers?" hmm... good idea... after a moment... I got confused. What happened to the "wedding would have to wait bit"?

I don't know why I still am with him. After all this uncertainty I should be breaking up with him... don't you think. But love is not about loving a perfect person, but loving an imperfect person perfectly.